Lonely

That is how I am feeling right now. There are so many details that surround it, but the bottom line is that I am lonely. My husband is busy with work, and my chidren do not need the burden of a lonely mom. My parents have issues, (more to be explained later I am sure) and my mother-in-law is so passive aggressive toward me right now I am developing a twitch.
Do not get me wrong. My husband is about the most wonderful, kind and supportive person that I know. He holds me and listens to me. He is eternally patient with me and all my worried, and babbling.

I hate January.

I get cabin fever, and there is only so much re-decorating I can do and still have a smiling husband. There is only limited time to do crafty things before I am needed. I am bored with the computer, and wish to be inspired.

I need some inspiration.

I NEED a vacation.

BUT last time I mentioned that to my husband he told me that he didn't trust anyone to watch our 13 mo. old overnight (Which I had to agree with him). And we couldn't afford it anyway. POP went my balloon.

I feel guilty even calling someone to watch my 2 just to get a haircut.

Why is it in my loneliness I just crave a little time that I can feel like a woman. Not just a mom, or a wife, or a daughter (especially this one) or a sister. Just a special woman who deserves to be pampered for even an hour. Who DESERVES a little time to focus on me.

However stupid it might be, I would just love to go for one day, maybe with a girlfriend, and shop, and get my hair done. Heck maybe even get some glitter perma-glued to my toes. To have 2 hours to MISS my children. To have 10 minutes to re-fill my empty cup.

I suppose THIS is what it feels like to dream.